Mom-Mom's Gone

To know Pauline Collins Duffy was to love her. That's the message that I have reverberating around my head as I try to process that she's passed away and I won't be seeing her again in this lifetime. As I've told friends, and talked with family, it's extraordinary to see the words come up time and again: "she was the best," "everyone loved her," "she'll be missed by so many." I guess that's the way of death; people are memorialized, lionized sometimes, as we find ways to move forward with the new normal. But I can't help thinking that with Mom-Mom, people don't have to reach very deep or try very hard to come up with words of lamentation - she was so deeply lovable. 

I nearly was tapped to write her eulogy and, thank GOODNESS, Uncle Tom swept in and saved me. How could I possibly begin to memorialize this woman who had the tenacity to leave her Independent Young Woman job at the Bell Telephone Company, marry Pop, and raise 8 children?  Who then helped raise generations of Albemarle Avenue children (and a few adults)? Who kept going when her husband died, flourishing with her easy access to the Septa trolley behind her apartment to get her to Silver Sneakers exercise classes, pinochle games, and visits to family? How many more facets of her life that I haven't even known about? No, no, Uncle Tom can have it. But man, I can't help but think about her. 

In Tennessee at the family reunion where she first admitted I was her favorite grandchild

Calls to Mom-Mom always started with her gleeful exclamation of "Katherine Mary!" We'd spend the first and last few minutes of every call trying to not talk over each other, first with the "I've missed you's" and ending with the "I love you's."  Joyful chatter in the middle with updates about family happenings, latest culinary adventures, and smiles you could feel through the phone. She was gracious enough to share her Best-Friend-Since-First-Grade, Mrs. Dunn, with me. A call to Mom-Mom wasn't complete unless I'd gotten the update on Mrs. Dunn's happenings as well. 

In the most personal way, Mom-Mom was my buddy, my pal. She was my roomie down the shore after Pop died. Every year she'd play coy, unsure if she wanted to brave another year of Sea Isle mayhem, but when I'd call and ask her to be my co-pilot on the drive down she'd always say yes. We'd stop into Wawa for hoagies on the drive and she'd sternly tell me to put my money away because it was her treat. We'd take over the twin bedroom and she would overlook my late-night arrivals after a night of beers on the front porch, gently closing the door behind her when she would start her day a few hours later. 

My trip home this summer was filled with so many joyful moments with her. Her health turned two days after I arrived in Philly and she was living with Mom and Dad full time by the time I left in mid-September, so I got more time with her than I had dared hope. I spent the first night with her when she got out of the hospital and all she was worried about was how well I was going to sleep. We stayed up late watching the Phillies and she let me fuss over her more than she would have put up with if I was a Child and not a Grandchild. Her patience for her grandchildren knew no bounds. We got a week in Sea Isle again, our last as roomies, and I got to play Nurse Ratchett (her words), making her take her morning meds, do a daily blood pressure check, and helping her in and out of bed. Resentment-free payback for all those years of waking her up with my drunken late-night arrivals. 

Before leaving the hospital in August

All that extra time that I got to soak up with her, even if a good chunk of it was her telling me to "get out of here and go out and have some fun!" made me think of all those years in Sea Isle as a kid; wet, windy, overcast or sunny, it always "looks like a beach day!" as she would shoo us out for some peace and quiet. Even in the last three months as she declined, I watched her charm the medical staff who would come in to help with her care at Mom and Dad's house. OT, PT, nurses - she met each one with smiles and "how are ya hun" to their delight. In her final weeks when she would sometimes forget where she was or who people are, she'd talk about "those nice girls on the 5th floor" who were taking care of her - no matter that it was Mom, acting as full-time carer - and chat with delight when Mom told her that she, too, had lived on Hazel Avenue and Albemarle Avenue. She was just so busy smiling and loving everyone who came into her orbit that she'd neglect to mention the pain she was in, or to ask for help. A consummate block-head, just like the rest of us. 

I think it's important to mention that I'm Mom-Mom's favorite grandchild. But then, so is every one of her grandchildren. I'm number 1 in her books, but I can't say that I mind sharing that top spot with all my cousins, either. Mom-Mom had enough love to go around to all of us. My God, I will miss her. 

Number 1 Grandkid

Pauline Duffy was a blessing in my life, absolutely and un-reservedly. To have had so many years with her, to get to know her as an adult, to have had the gift of time with her in her final few months, it all feels like such a blessing. I can't regret that she's gone; it's what she wanted, and her pain is over now. But man, how lucky am I to have these memories. I got to see her on video call the week she died and she reminded me that I'm her sweetheart and that she loves me wherever I am, wherever she is. I have always known that my family is extraordinary, but what a stark reminder: she was happy because I am happy. If that's not the ultimate gift of love, I'm not sure what is. 

Stu-ella DeVille

It's hard to believe I've been back in Australia for a month now from my visit home to the States. That trip was wonderful in every way. I got to see heaps of family and friends, watch my brother and sister-in-law Anna get married (along with two other family weddings while I was home), meet two BRAND NEW babies who were kind enough to exit the womb while I was State-side and several more who have come into the world in the three years I was away. I spent time at the shore and in my parents' back yard. Ate cheesesteaks and hoagies and soft pretzels. Friends have gotten married, bought houses, begun new jobs. Family came out of the woodwork to welcome me back for my visit. And I got to soak it all up for 5 glorious weeks of holiday. 

Andrew & Anna's wedding, with Mom, Dad, & Mom-Mom

With my Mama at cousin Hannah's wedding

Scotty, who trained me in how to put up with creepy old dudes at any bar

Beachin' it with Dad

Fam Shore Squad

Birds of a Feather

Tess, the newest member of the Road Fam

Rachael agreed to tourist Philly with me

Meggie's half-marathon. Rachael made the impressive signs.

Baby Peter, my 2nd-youngest new friend

Frannie's wedding

Being back has seemed both very fast and very slow. The first week or so of my return was spent trying to get my bearings. Matty picked me up at the airport, helped me get my room unpacked (a friend had stayed in my house while I was gone, so everything was stored), and then we spent the rest of the day out in his new boat, Blue Jay. I had work the next morning - the Aussie football Grand Final, their Superbowl equivalent - and had a very hard time getting my head in the game. Leaving the States was emotional, and I was jetlagged, and going back to work did not appeal. I only worked a few hours to help the team get through the worst of the rush and then had Sunday off - back out on the boat with Matty and Jess to do some very lazy fishing and sunning.

Perhaps it was the emotional rollercoaster of going back home to the States and then coming back home to Exmouth - and holding both of these places in my heart and head as home at once - or maybe the holiday just helped me realize how I really feel, but I went back to work on Monday feeling very out of sorts. I just did not want to be there and couldn't shake the feeling. I don't like feeling checked out at work, but I just couldn't seem to get my brain to engage enough to get checked in. On Wednesday, I gave my notice. 

I've spent 2 and a half years loving my job and now I just don't anymore. I don't know what I want to do, but I know I don't want to be a bar tender for a little while. I gave 6 weeks notice, and have promised to stick around until after Melbourne Cup, "the horse race that stops the country." It's a huge bar day, so I'll help with that at the start of November and then figure things out from there. I've got some plans for November and December. Lots of camping and visiting with friends both here in Exmouth and down south in Perth, then a big road trip with Jess to her hometown in Victoria. She's also given her notice at the Pub and will finish up two weeks after me, but she's leaving Exmouth to move back east. I'll go along for the drive and finally get to see some more of Australia than just WA! I'll spend Christmas out east and then come back to Exy in the new year. Beyond that, I'm winging it. So here's to new adventures!

I felt a huge relief once my notice was given at the Pub, and I'm currently 3 weeks down, 3 to go. Life hasn't stopped though. Last weekend was the annual Exmouth Wholesalers Golf Tournament and we had a costume contest to win! Channy is currently away on a Central/South American adventure, so Mia, Stewie, and I recruited another worker at the Pub, Sophie, to our team. This year's theme: Stu-ella DeVille and his Dalmatians!

We won!

Stewie said it only took him about a half hour to wash the black dye out of his hair, so we'll chalk that up as a second win for the day. 

Gaia and I spent yesterday afternoon at the beach having a good long catch up and then went back to her house where Rhys had a roast in the oven waiting for us. Even amidst all this self-inflicted change and confusion, it is wonderful to have friends in my life. I am so very, very lucky. 

Winter in Exy

One of the weirdest parts of living in a hot place is wrapping myself around the concept of winter being the prime time. It should not be hard to fathom but after a lifetime of always looking forward to summer's arrival, it's strange to look forward to winter with such attention. But that's what life here is like! The whalesharks and humpback whales and orcas are all here in winter. The sleeping weather is cool and wonderful in winter. The days are warm in the sunshine, great for beach basking, and the evenings are perfect for wearing a warm sweater and sipping tea. Winter is magic here. The only drama is that everyone else knows that, too, so town gets a bit... hectic. With all the great weather comes all the tourists who fuel so many of the town's businesses. But even with the mayhem, I've still been able to sneak in some cheeky nights of camping to get out of town. 

Back in May (my blog posts are really getting lax aren't they), a mate of Matty's invited him to come camping in the Gulf on Wilderness Island. Jim owns it, and runs a little homestead there with cabins and an amazing atmosphere. You can get there by boat or plane, and it's like a beautiful rustic oasis for  folks to glamp. Cabins are all mesh enclosed to keep out the bugs and critters, and meals are eaten family-style with the staff and other visitors. Jim had a rare weekend with only one booking, so he told Matty to bring along as many mates as he wanted and gave us a shopping list of supplies to bring along with us. Can't say no to an offer like that! 

Saturday morning when we were heading out was, as Matty would say, "blowing its guts out." The wind was wretched, the swell was massive, and we had to get across the Gulf. Scotty, Matty's only mate who agreed to brave the Gulf that morning, took me in his boat while Matty drove his jetski to the far side. It took us over 2 hours to get there and it sometimes felt like the trip was more up and down than forward motion. 

Jim saw our approach and met us at the southern tip of the island, where they maintain a boat mooring for visitors to use. He picked us up in the island's pickup, and drove us back to the homestead for cheese platters, laughs, and beers. While Jim and his partner usually run the place, she and their son were overseas visiting family the weekend we visited. So the island population was Jim and his two staff, Brody and Hannah, an older couple, and the three of us. We spent the night hanging out in the common area, drinking rum and waltzing (Jim and I waltzed, anyway), talking about books, and politics, and life, and admiring the stars. Jim made an excellent fish curry and we were all in bed before 10pm. Everyone got their own cabin to sleep in and we practiced doing as little as possible. 

View from the Common area

From the common area, overlooking the cabins

View from my cabin's front porch

My Outdoor Bathroom on the side of the cabin!

Sunday morning was lazy. Scotty headed back to town to pick up some extra supplies we'd forgotten, I slept in, Brody went fishing with half of the couple, and Matty tried to practice leaving me alone to sleep. Mixed results. All's well that ends well, we spent the whole day lounging about the common area, listening to music, chatting, napping, and generally trying to slow down. Having nothing to do all day was exactly the plan. We managed to stay up a little bit later Sunday and got to meet the resident roo, Hazel, and her joey!

Hazel and her joey

Inside the common area

Monday morning we lazed about a bit more before deciding to head back to town while the weather was good. After the hectic trip over, we wanted easy sailing back. Scotty had taken all the big stuff, so Matty and I just had to bring our little overnight bags and ourselves on the ski. It was beautiful weather and we were back in under 40 mins - a far cry from the trip over - and had the afternoon to laze about some more and think about the beauty of Wilderness Island. 

Jim drove us back to the jetski in this very island-vibes ute

My chariot

View from the cabin

We picked a great time to go because the next few weeks brought WILD amounts of rain to Exmouth. It was the same this time last year, but really unusual in the grand scheme of Exmouth weather, apparently. Tai and I were working a Saturday night and closed the venue early because our swimming pool was trying to take over the restaurant. With staff using industrial squeegees to try and push water out, the pool pump flushing water out as quickly as it could, and me running around in my yellow rain coat, trying to use pool towels as sandbags in the doorways, it was a bit hectic. 

For a few weeks in a row, there, we were getting rain every week. Great for the plants, not great for mosquitos. Because Exmouth is desert, the water gets trapped in spots and will sit there for weeks, creating perfect breeding conditions for mozzies - it doesn't drain off, or sink into the ground the way it would in other climate zones. So the mozzies were really brutal for a few weeks at the end of May and early June. 

One Sunday morning as I was puttering about the house (read: waking up ever so slowly), my housemate Dingus (yes, a nickname) asked if I wanted to get some food in town. I said no, and then quickly reversed my opinion when he mentioned he was going to get ramen. Corinne joined us and we rode to town in style in Uncle Peduncle, Dingus' whale/bike. 

With Corinne & Dingus

Corinne & me, driving Uncle Peduncle

I finally got back to work on the shark boats in June! I spent both days of my weekend out on the water and wasn't sure I was going to survive - I'm wildly out of shape compared to my friends who are on the water every day - but I made it through. Got to swim with whalesharks, got paid for it, had amazing times. And on my first day back, I got to enjoy this sunrise as we left to collect the customers for the day:

Around the end of May, I started making big moves to buy a new car. Tessie is on her last legs, Mal, my mechanic, was worried about me driving her anywhere that was any distance from town, and Mia pointed me in the direction of an ad on Facebook of a guy in town who was selling the exact car I had described to her as what I wanted next. So even though I hadn't really planned to replace Tessie until after I returned from my trip to the States in Aug/Sept, it felt a bit like the universe had plunked a good thing in my lap and I needed to make the leap. So I did! Anyway, meet Tito:

The purchasing portion of acquiring Tito was hassle-free, but her registration had to be changed as she was licensed in South Australia. To get her swapped to Western Australia, she had to go through a process commonly referred to as "going over the pits." Basically the mechanic makes sure that every tiny little thing about the car is sound before it can pass. A few minor changes needed to happen before Tito would pass, but it all seemed reasonable for me to sort out - I just had to learn how to do some auto-electrical wiring. Good thing I have a brother for that. Anj spent probably 3 hours one morning talking me through the aisles of AutoPro, buying to necessary materials, and then through the actual wiring of the car. I had to remove a light bar, you see, and it was hard wired into my spotties. So it all had to come out and then get re-wired to work. After a lot of fuss and feathers, I got the job done. 

These two kept me company over the several days I worked on the car

Two weeks ago I finally got to see Kieran again! It'd been 6 months since I visited him in Broome, and I talked him into meeting me halfway for a weekend so we could catch up. We spent the weekend adventuring around Dampier, about 6 hours from Exmouth. We hung out at one of my favorite dive bars, The Mermaid, which is right on the water in Dampier and has no pretentions about it, and went exploring the National Park there. We found a few really peaceful swimming holes, and then found a  beautiful camp spot along the banks of the Nullagine River, near Miaree Pool, to spend a night. 

"I made you birthday cupcakes since you'll be in the States in August and I won't see you" - Kieran

Tadpoles nibbling my toes in the National Park

Kieran by our campsite

Perfect camping weather for a fire and snug sleeping

When Kieran had to drive back to Broome on Monday morning, I had thought we'd grab breakfast in Karratha and then both of us would head off in our opposing directions. I didn't have to be back at work until 3pm on Tuesday though, so Kieran encouraged me to camp again. I'm so glad I did! Back I went to the river, scoped out a few other locations but ended up sleeping in the same spot we had the night before. So beautiful, and I had it all to myself. Because I fell asleep right after sunset, I was up at 4am and did the drive to Exmouth without dramas. A nice nap before work and I was back, refreshed, and ready to go. 

Stu on his birthday

Dingus & Corinne hanging at our house

Dingus was skipper at work on his birthday!

The last two weeks have been a whirlwind of birthdays (Mia, Jess, Dingus & more), school holidays, and work. Sunday, my only rostered day off this week (and even then, I was technically on call), Matty and I went down into the Gulf on his jetski for a day of fishing and fun. We explored Turtle Creek, did a little fishing, and zoomed about on the ski. It was a beautiful day for it - flat seas, warm but not too hot, and few people around. As we were heading back to the car, Matty suggested we unload the fishing and snorkeling gear so I could have a proper zip around on the ski without worry of losing something. So we did, and he told me to let her rip, so I did. 

We caught a cod!

Starfish by Roberts Island in the Gulf

Another starfish

Matty apparently misjudged me: he did not hold on tight and went flying when I was doing a sweet, tight turn. His knee banged his sunnies as he flew off the back, and his sunnies sliced straight into his face. So anyway, when I went back to pick him up out of the water he was laughing hysterically (alarmingly) and had blood pouring down his face. Thank goodness he didn't knock himself out. So away we went, off to town and the Exmouth Hospital where we spent a few hours waiting for the doctor to do his duty and install two layers of stitches to Matty's rather deep head gash. Lessons learned: Matty should hold on better & I should make him wear a life jacket in case he DOES knock himself out next time. Other lessons: my driving isn't going to change. 

The man has pretty eyes for all that I sliced up his face

All the fun I've been having finally caught up with me this week, and I caught the flu that's been racing through town. Since Monday I've been croaking and intermittently coughing my head off. I think I've finally turned the corner on it, but Tai told me to take another night off so I can keep resting. Since I can't speak much louder than a whisper at this point, I'm really grateful. Now I just need to heal up so I can fly down to Perth this weekend, as planned, to see Weronika before she moves home to Poland, and to meet Nat's twin baby boys! All healing thoughts welcomed!