The Surprise of Smoo: Day 3

Day 3: The West Coast (is the Best Coast in Scotland for driving)

So we wake up wicked early on Day 3 because we're on a mission to drink some fancy-ass gin that I read about which is produced in the FAR north of Scotland at a little spot called Dunnet Bay Distillery. Rock Rose Gin. We get rolling just after sunrise and we're making good time when BAM! there's a waterfall. Right there! At the side of the road!

And then we're driving and THIS is in front of us:

Similar distractions ensue... we drive, we stop, we're running late. And I'm getting a little hangry. So we decide to stop for a bite in Ullapool (UH-luh-pewl). We get some super tasty munchies, wander around the harbor, commit to kicking the drive into high gear. This is supposed to be some tasty gin, y'all. We're committed. Until the Smoo Caves happen.

So here's the thing about driving with my brother. He has the world's smallest bladder. Some of it is heritage (seriously, my family), some of it is diabetes, some of it is his Princeliness. But we're clipping along and he sees a sign for a free public bathroom and we've gotta stop. The NC500 route doesn't have too many of these along the way, either, so I can't fully blame him. We stop, it's blustery and chilly, but there's a cool little path next to the bathrooms and people are traipsing up and down. OK, it's good to stretch the legs - we bite.

Down this little winding staircase is a natural cave system that's open for public tours! There's a fee and we're cheap, so we just look at the outside and read the explanation plaques and plan to head back to the car, but there's also this tidy little pathway that I spot next to the plaques. And it's just so inviting. And Anj seems to have wandered off so what the hell... when in Rome.

Smoo Caves

Tidy Path

 So I'm wandering, hoping my brother doesn't fuss at me when he discovers that I've wandered off (it's not like he's the one who cares about the gin), and I'm gaining altitude and I peek over the edge and who do I see but this little stinker, wandering around barefoot in the North Sea.

That tiny dot in the water? My dingus brother.

So while he's looking at this view...

And I'm the blob at the top!

I'm looking at these...

This is the OBVIOUS time to start singing "you take the high road and I'll take the low road" and even though we'd already been to Loch Lomond and neither of us was planning on dying for a political cause, we were in Scotland, so.

I took so long that he came looking for me. #worthit

Smoo Caves from the pasture

The best part about my meanderings on high was that it's just a farmer's pasture, and the farmer allows people onto their land and just asks you to keep your dog on a leash and... that's it. For a pair of Americans, we kept wondering if there was a catch. I mean, totally blown away by the lack of litigious intent here. It was amazing. We kept talking about what it must be like to grow up as a free ranging kid here, running around sheep pastures with BIG CLIFFS and no one worrying about it except to say "hey, just shut the gate behind you so my sheep don't escape." It was around this time that I decided I wanted to stay in Scotland forever.

The Smoo diversion really kinda squashed our chances of making it to Dunnet Bay Distillery before their tasting shop closed, but the area is also the northernmost point of the UK, so the show had to go on. We made our way to the bar next door to the distillery instead. I was hangry again, TBH, and wanted some tasty, tasty gin, so it was a perfect solution. The only thing was, as we were getting closer to Dunnet Bay, the roads were getting more and more... lame. Tame. Boring. We had finished our west coast driving and started to panic that the roads just weren't going to be the same on the east coast. We only had one more day and we were moping - was the last leg going to be totally anti-climactic?

Our last overnight was in Helmsdale, so we started the trek south. We were worried our best days were behind us, so we did the only logical thing: we went to the pub.

Things I learned: ordering a Guinness in a Scotland doesn't earn you friends. Ordering a Tennent's Lager does. So quickly. I won't tell you how many hours we spent in that pub, my friends, but I will tell you that the evening's program included a guided whisky tasting courtesy of my newest collection of old man friends, closing the bar and learning that doesn't mean everyone goes home - it just means they close the curtains and lock the doors so the cops "don't know" - and hearing dramatic stories about the Highlander Games that are hosted in Helmsdale every year. The scenery may have become less dramatic, but the folks we met more than made up for it.

Between the Smoo Caves and the fine folks at The Tartan Lounge in Helmsdale, the day was maybe our best yet.

Overwhelmed by Scotland's beauty: Day 2

Day 2: Isle of Skye and (some of) the West Coast

The Lochailort Inn puts on a mean breakfast spread. I'm talking eggs and toast and fresh butter and fruit and smoked salmon and all kinds of delicious things. And to think, we might have missed it if we'd been on that first ferry of the morning!

We got a pretty early start and headed towards Skye. Anj's only request for the trip, besides a side excursion to a race track that is not, in fact, in Scotland (and we obviously didn't do), was a stop in a post office in Portree to visit with Jax, the stamp licking dog. He's a bit of a social media sensation, I gather, because he'll lick your stamps for you to affix to your post cards. Gotta love a working dog. So off we went.

Spoiler alert: Skye is GORGEOUS.

Views like this were around every bend in the road

Goats do whatever they want

Can you imagine living there?!

So we arrive in Portree and it's bustling. Lots of tourists, lots of cool artsy shops, not lots of parking. We scoot around 'til we find some and somehow I lose Anj. "Somehow" meaning I got distracted by a pretty church and walked in and by the time I remember I have a brother, he's gone. So I continue being distracted, only this time by a church bazaar that's going on and selling all kinds of adorable, kitschy things. Including greeting cards which can be mailed home with the assistance of Jax! So I get some goodies (including some rose water butter cookies that mean I can now, for sure, die happy) and go looking for himself.

Harbor in Portree, Isle of Skye

Portree, Isle of Skye

Located Anj, wrote up my cards, and went post office hunting. And look who we found!

Jax, the Post Dog of Portree

Now I understand why he's a social media sensation. He's retired from licking stamps, but he hangs out at the post office every day with his Dad and is very happy to give kisses!

We considered sticking around Portree for lunch, but we had gotten a recommendation for a place from some super sweet folks we met on our flight to Glasgow. They were down in Birmingham for an awards ceremony - the group runs the "tastings tables" at a grocery store up in Glasgow that is, apparently, the best in the country - and they were pleased as punch to laugh at our terrible pronunciations of tiny Scottish towns, ridiculous planned travel mileage, and general sibling shenanigans for the flight. Rosie, the group's matriarch, was my seat companion for the flight and she recommended a place for lunch called Columba 1400. They do really cool outreach for at-risk and "troubled" youth, and she had told me it was just north of Portree. So that was our planned destination. 

Welcome

Moo Moos

Old Man of Storr

Kilt Rock Viewpoint

Kilt Rock (the background basalt columns)

It was a touch blustery

We arrived after much dithering around looking at Kilt Rock and the Mealt Falls (it's in the foreground of the Kilt Rock photo above, but the water was slow that day so the falls kind of blend into the rock face in that image) which was totally worth it. Blustery, splendid dithering.

We ate on the patio outside

Our view for lunch

Needless to say, it was a stupendous spot to eat. I don't even remember the food, frankly, but the view. Man, the view.

We hit the road again and decided that much of our plan for Skye would need to be scuttled. We had to make it to Gairloch by 8 and realized that "3 hours" of drive time would almost certainly NOT be 3 hours with all our pit stops on the way. We decided to cut out the whole western swing of road (we had planned to go out towards the Neist Point Lighthouse on the far west coast) and just loop back down and around to Portree. This might well have been our best decision of the whole trip.

To get back to Portree proper we could either take the same road we took in (uh, why would we do that?) or we could continue northward towards Staffin and go around the furthest northern tip OR we could check out a kind of sketchy road that looked like it went up towards some of those stellar peaks in the photos above and just see what the hell would happen. This was our first experience with the magic of a Connected Road. 

Tip to future Scottish Highland travelers: when offered a Connected Road, take it. Not once were we disappointed by the extraordinary views that these tiny little roads afforded. I don't think they have actual names, but the car GPS called them Connected Roads, and so did we.

A Connected Road from later in the trip (when we really appreciated them)

Connected Road sheep are majestic

Hell of a napping spot, little guy

Views like this happen on Connected Roads

Un. Real.

Uig, the town at the end of our first Connected Road

All good things must come to an end, and so we trundled on with Connected Road living on in our memory. Little did we know that more would come our way with patience to guide us.

I mentioned that Anj's one goal for the trip was to meet Jax, the Portree Post Dog. Mine was to take a photo of some Highland cattle. You know, the ones with the massive horns and shaggy fur and delightful disinterest in humans. So my brother, gem that he is, was committed to helping me photograph all the sheep and cows we passed because we were realizing that the ginormous Highland cattle aren't as widespread (at least where we were traveling), but sheep are everywhere. Every. Where. And cows make appearances along the way. So photographing all the other livestock seemed like a good alternative until the shaggy beasts made an actual appearance.

I sang the Barney theme song to them to make them look at me

Churches everywhere

I would definitely be a sheep in Scotland

A sample view from Skye

We were getting overwhelmed by the views. Seriously overwhelmed. But we had to keep rolling. We were off Skye, had joined up with the NC500 route, but we had to make it to Gairloch if we wanted to have a chance of eating dinner. We were making good time. We were passing through some of the most spectacular vistas we'd ever seen and could hardly take it all in. We were on a steady diet of "Oh my God. This is incredible." We gave in and stopped.

We parked by this bridge and went strolling through the peat. We looked like The Sound of Music, spinning in circles, trying to absorb it all. We trekked up a small hill and views like this awaited us:

Heart stoppingly beautiful. But we had to keep going. So we did. At least til we got up to the top of the hill and saw this:

How do you go on from that? We could either sit there and weep for the beauty of the world (seemed reasonable) or continue. So we tried. But then we crested the hill and saw this:

Two months later and I still feel breathless looking at these photos. We had to keep moving or risk missing dinner and not being able to check into our AirBnB so we went. Kicking and screaming, but comforted by the knowledge that such beauty exists in the world. And that hopefully we'd see more of it. 

As we continued on, we reached a sharp turn in the road. There were many of those, but not every one had HIGHLAND CATTLE AT THE END! Anj, bless him, slammed on the breaks and out I hopped to meet these beauties.

Highland Cattle photos? Check.

We made it to Gairloch by 8:45 which is sort of like 8. Our host was gracious and helped us to find the only store in town that was still open for dinner - a killer fish and chips shop. We ate, admired the view, and I went the hell to bed. Anj went out and got free drinks from, it sounds like, half the pub. So we both got what we wanted!

Gairloch from our seaside AirBnB

You take the high road & I'll take the low road: Day 1

Day 1: Glasgow to Lochailort
Our "noon" arrival on Thursday was hindered by some flight delays - first in a long series of 'em - and we got into Glasgow at about 5pm. We had booked a premium, manual transmission car, but we had an automatic transmission, heavy looking Mercedes waiting for us. No dice - this trip is for the roads! The employee at Enterprise was lovely and got us quickly sorted out with a little Ford Fiesta - their zippy upgraded line, the SL(?) version - that Andrew seemed cool with. As he was want to say over the course of the trip, "it's more fun to drive a slow car, fast, than to drive a fast car, slow." Sure, Anj. Whatever you say. And away we went.

While sunshine had greeted us in the airport, the day quickly degraded to drizzle - ah well, we're in Scotland; whaddaya expect? That was the first half hour of our trip... and that was the last rain we saw in the UK! As we got out of the Glasgow suburbs and into Loch Lomond National Park we glanced right over the Loch and saw a spectacular rainbow! We had to drive a bit further before coming upon an appropriate stop off place for the car, but it was one hell of a welcome to Scotland.

Andrew & the Rainbow - Loch Lomond, Scotland

Onward we traveled til we finally hit the start of the Highlands. And what a welcome.

Welcome

Our trusty steed

Our first cairn

Munros

We stopped in Glencoe for dinner and had some incredible seafood. Even the pubs have unbelievable views here:

View from the pub parking lot. I mean, really?

Views AND humor

Back on the road to drive through Fort William to Glenfinnan, home of the viaduct (perhaps) best known for ferrying students aboard the Hogwarts Express:

No scarlet steam engine today

 I had visions of taking a ferry to the Isle of Skye the next day, but I wasn't really sure what time we'd want to hop on, so I didn't book the trip. Instead, I just made sure that our B&B was nearby and figured we'd wing it. Oops. Remember when I mentioned earlier that driving trips in June in Scotland aren't exactly an original pasttime? Yeah, every ferry was booked. Note for the next time: book ferry weeks in advance. So we hung out at the bar at the Lochailort Inn where we were staying and realized we'd have to take the long way around - back east to Fort William and then north through Invergarry and the Kyle of Lochalsh in order to take the land bridge onto Skye. Good thing that only added about 2.5 hours to our drive.

Anyway, the bar tender was super cool and the beds were clean and the beer was cold, so an additional 2.5 hours of driving the next day didn't seem SO awful, especially considering the countryside we were in. So off to bed I went, blessing the cool for allowing us to keep the windows closed and the midges out, and slept beautifully.

So you want to go to the Scottish Highlands?

A few months back, I stumbled upon a spectacular flight deal: $300 round-trip flights from Newark to Birmingham, UK. My brother, Andrew, works too hard and I sprang the idea of a British road trip on him to get him away from the grind. He bit, but said he'd be really interested in driving through the Scottish Highlands. Welcome to the Moran sibling road trip, 2018 edition!

Initial research took me to the nascent North Coast 500 website. It's a tourist draw: a 500 mile loop of scenic highways through the Highlands, beginning and ending in Inverness, Scotland. My early stage planning had us driving up through Britain - routed through the Peak District and Lake District on the way North and through the North Pennines and Yorkshire Dales on the trip South. Because I frequently attempt to fit 10 pounds of potatoes into a 5 pound sack, however, I only booked our flights for a 4 day trip (three full days, two half days) - arriving Thursday at noon, leaving Monday in the early evening. Some honest conversations made me realize that the 1700 mile journey I was busy planning was just not practical. Or even desirable, considering how little of the journey between Birmingham and Scotland would actually be spent in natural splendor. So puddle jumper flights to Glasgow were booked, a rental car was scheduled, and our journey was shrunk to a much more manageable 1100 miles!

Drive planning:

While a large chunk of our journey was comprised of a large chunk of the NC500 loop, far more of it was off-track. For one, a quick Google search on the best places to drive in Scotland will include the Isle of Skye at nearly the top of every list. Obviously we couldn't miss that. Glencoe, in the west, was also frequently cited as a can't-miss. Neither of those were on the NC500 route (though Skye is darn close to it), so our northerly route didn't join up with the NC500 until Friday in Strathcarron. Additionally, we really had no firm plans besides where we'd rest our heads. My research indicated that we're not the only ones who think a driving tour of Scotland in early June would be lovely, so we weren't about to risk no vacancy signs at every B&B on the route. Rooms booked, a rental car booked, and the map up above were all the planning we (ahem, I) did.

The general shape of the trip was:
Glasgow to Lochailort on Day 1. On to Skye for Day 2, joining up with the NC 500 in Applecross, overnight in Gairloch. Day 3 cover the rest of the west coast and head around the northern tip in John O'Groats, stay in Helmsdale. Continue south past Loch Ness, through the Cairngorms, and overnight in Dunblane (about halfway between Glasgow and Edinburgh) to wrap up Day 4. Day 5, take the long way back to Glasgow through the Trossachs (final taste of those sweet, curvy roads) and head back to the states.

It mostly worked out that way. Except that we detoured to Ireland and Iceland on the way home. But I'm getting ahead of myself.