For five years I've been trying to get to Tasmania. The second time I tried to move away from Exmouth, in January 2021, I had my car packed and had started driving east when the radio announcement came that the state borders were closing because a case of Covid had been detected and Western Australia was going into lockdown. I ended up back in Exmouth, and that dream got away from me. I chased other dreams in the meantime. I fell in love. I got a job that would hopefully allow me to visit the US with more frequency - if ever things would just settle down - and I was making moves towards living a trans-continental life. Then I pivoted. I got married and we wanted to buy a home, to have someplace stable to return to. A place that was ours, where we could welcome our friends and family for visits. But all of life is change.
Matty and I have separated. We're selling the house. And I'm going to Tasmania.
The job that I thought was going to give me the ability to build that trans-continental life fell through, and I was laid off in early April when Mom and Dad were here for a visit. This was on the heels of months of the unexpected bills that come in when you buy a house - burst water main, broken air conditioners, replacement hot water heater - and it seemed like it was finally settling down. But then the job loss. We didn't handle it well, and we didn't handle it together. I got a new, better paying, healthier job in one week, but the camel's back was broken. Matty's stress was more than he could handle, and his stress plus my own was more than I could handle. We got legally married last November, but the church wedding was planned for October 2025. I realized that I couldn't stand at an altar before God and our families and promise to stay with him forever, in good times and bad, sickness and health, if I couldn't handle the burdens of these past nearly three months. We separated.
Western Australia requires us to be separated for 12 months before we can file for divorce, and separating our finances means selling the house. Without our joint finances to support it, keeping it just wasn't on the table. I'm so extraordinarily lucky that my friends in town have rallied around me and offered me support, places in their homes, and many, many hugs. But I need a break. It's all been too much, frankly. So when I fly back to work on Wednesday, I'll bring along a second bag of stuff: winter gear to go spend ten days in the cold and snow of Tassie.
It feels good to have something to feel excited about. It feels good to stop crying and start living again. And it feels good to be pursuing a dream that I've long deferred. Ten days isn't forever, but it's a good start. And then, in a few months, I'll plan a trip to North America. My church wedding and honeymoon in Mexico was already paid for, so someone may as well enjoy it. Then spend some time in Sea Isle. Go visit my brother and sister-in-law in their new home in Florida. Hang out with Mom and Dad at the kitchen table for a while. Blink and before I know it, Christmas. After 6 years of being away for Christmas, this year I'll stay home. By January, maybe I'll feel like Kate again. By January, maybe I'll be ready to figure out what my new dreams look like. By January, who knows what I'll want?
So, family and friends in the US, I can't wait to see you sometime this fall. I'll pack my winter coat - the one I'm gonna wear in Tassie in three weeks.
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| The Milky Way, seen from the backyard of my dream home we're selling |
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| Sunset and a crescent moon at my new, much better, job |
